I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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