Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
