we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
