some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Randomize
