Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
