It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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