Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
they're like a gay fantastic four
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
