I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
