i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
