You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
