i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
