so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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