If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
