What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
