i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
ugly people sure do ruin things
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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