it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
