I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
