I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
