Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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