Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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