dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
