Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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