I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
