Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
