mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
