just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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