i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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