so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
