Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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