no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
