Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
