Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
