if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
