I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
