My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
