think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
