dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
