Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
