Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Help. Why am I so naked?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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