yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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