remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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