i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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