im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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