oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Randomize
