She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Randomize
