How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
so much tequila, so little girl.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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