bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
You need a sexual gate keeper
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
