Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
