i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Randomize
