Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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