can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
