you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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