o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
