p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I am one with the molecules
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
