sarcasm needs its own font
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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